July 19, 2010

Driving Thoughts

So I'm finally back in LA and already it feels like I've never left. My apartment, now in a completely transient state, has almost no furniture in the living room, no dining room chairs, and one less bed than when I was last here. The living room and other common areas have begun to fill up with boxes and bags of stuff to be moved into new places. There's still the same amount of hair-balls, dirt, and overall grime that never seems to leave no matter how much I or anyone else cleans. I think it's the consequence of living in a building where countless other college students have lived, slept, studied, and partied. The walls are not quite white, and the paint job my roommates and I did in my room and the living room is less than perfect.

Although I had dreaded coming back to Cali and to this apartment I will miss this place for all the memories shared here. The people, the parties, movie nights, girl nights. Two full years of my life spent sleeping in my tiny twin bed in the corner perpendicular to Klarissa's. Even now as I lie in here, it's a part of a routine. For two years essentially every night before sleeping I would find myself in this very position checking emails, facebook, or cramming in last minute homework. And now in two short weeks I'll be starting completely over again in a new apartment in a new neighborhood. It's exciting but mind blowing. I think I'm starting to realize my time in this college village and everything that came along with it is rapidly coming to a close. I had said goodbye to this world mentally when I hopped on the plane for Connecticut a month ago, but physically it's a lot to take in. Not to mention a whole lotta crap to move out!

Now that I'm out of school my mind keeps getting flooded with all the things I want to accomplish. I want to perform as a dancer, I want to sing, I want to act. I want to choreograph. Learn the guitar, learn languages. I want to write....something. All of a sudden my hunger to do EVERYTHING has come alive. But where to start!? I want to read more, watch TV less. Eat better food. I want to try a million new recipes and share them with friends. I want to find a survival job that I love not one I just deal with. I want to travel. I want to be in love. It's overwhelming. Without the confines of school the possibilities seem endless, and yet oddly out of reach. I guess this is my entry of word vomit, but it's true. Driving down from Northern California to LA my mind was constantly moving from one thing to the next. I had to keep telling myself not to forget things because when left alone with your music and your thoughts for six hours things come and go like water. One minute the ideas are there and the next they're out in the middle of the sea smiling back at you. Taunting you cause you can't catch them and remember why they were important. As much as that drive can be dreadful, I always manage to find a good deal of clarity in the process. With no means of distractions other than the occasional phone call and music you are forced to ponder and think all on your own. No facebook to keep you hypnotized, no mindless clicking through people's pictures and pages to stalk insignificant details they choose to share or overshare about their lives. In the car, alone on the road, it's pretty wonderful actually. Maybe that's where this spurt of dialogue came from.

More soon.

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